1Q84 (2009) reviewed

What’s the longest book you’ve ever read?

After many weekends, I finally finished Haruki Murakami’s piece de resistance. 1Q84 was published in three volumes between late 2009/early 2010. Don’t believe the reviews. Yes, the book is quite detailed but it’s not a slog. The pacing is chippy and the plot, a real page turner. This is the lengthiest work, fiction or nonfiction, that I’ve read thus far. It might be a 2000-page eBook but it felt like 800 pages. Compared with others that are 400 pages but seemed closer to a thousand. 1Q84 as a paperback is about as thick as Infinite Jest but much more accessible to the average reader. No endnotes either. I haven’t read the former but it’s on my radar. If I could find the time, that is.

It’s got a bit of everything. Romance and heartbreak. Youth and old age. Longing and self-actualisation. Magical realism and ‘the town of cats’. Metaphysics and postmodern tropes. There are mentions of Anton Chekhov’s Sakhalin and Proust’s In Search of Lost Time. There’s even a Marshall McLuhan name dropping. The novel’s opening scene references Janacek’s ‘Sinfonietta’.

As the title suggests, the action transpires in an alternate version of 1984, alternating between Tengo and Aomame. The two seemed fated to be apart, until destiny had other ideas. Tengo is the part time maths teacher at the cram school. He secretly ghostwrites this bestselling novel. Meanwhile, Aomame is a fitness instructor who moonlights as a lethal assassin. She takes up the fight for battered women. They are teleported to 1Q84, with two moons and where ‘truth is stranger than fiction’.

The two were primary school classmates. Both were trapped in unideal circumstances. Aomame was part of a cult while Tengo’s father was a fee collector. The two kids went their separate ways.

Very clever. The ending completes the circle. Once you’ve crested 1Q84 it’s a big achievement. This is my fifth read of the year and the most rewarding. Next up is Michael Connelly’s latest, Nightshade.

Here are a sample of the finest excerpts:

Book I

Appeared to derive a good deal of pleasure from keeping others guessing

Komatsu’s eyes would take on a sharp glow, like stars glittering in the dark winter sky

The Akutawaga prize? Tengo repeated the words softly, as if he were writing them on huge characters with a stick on wet sand.

‘Someone else?’ But he already knew what Komatsu’s answer would be.’

‘You.’

‘It did not sound like all that much fun to Tengo. For one thing, he had never actually seen this “literary world’.”

‘His mouth opening in a big wide grin the likes of which Tengo had never seen.’

‘His last act had been to witness something utterly amazing.’

Apparently asking questions without question marks was another characteristic of her speech

Tengo mentally added a question mark to her comment and answered this new question

Next there was a feature that introduced a clever cat from Shimane prefecture that could open a window and let itself out. Once out, it would close the window. The owner had trained the cat to do this.

…then hung up without saying anything, no goodbye or no see you Sunday, no anything. There was just the click of the connection being cut. Perhaps she had nodded to Tengo before hanging up the receiver. Unfortunately, though, body language generally fails to have its intended effect on the phone.

Tengo’s nickname became NHK.

The difference in treatment was like night and day. It was the greatest strike of good fortune he had ever encountered in life.

When she engaged in conversation, she could only speak one sentence at a time (assuming she was not doing so intentionally).

It might go well at first, but before long people would begin to think that “something” was “funny”.

1Q84 that’s what I’ll call this new world – Aomame.

Tengo’s father was too busy trying to increase his collections, and the girl’s mother was too busy preaching the coming end of the world.

On Sundays, children…should not go around threatening people until they’ve paid their fees or frightening people with warnings about the end of the world.

His smile like a crescent moon at dawn

They would rescue him from this cramped and ugly cage and bring him back where he belonged. Then he would have the most beautiful, peaceful, and free Sundays imaginable.

Tengo had never performed on a percussion instrument nor had any interest in doing so, but once he actually tried playing, he was amazed to find that it was perfectly suited to the way his mind worked.

What did it mean tpfor a person to be free? She would often ask herself. Even if you managed to escape one cage, weren’t you just in another, larger one?

I don’t see any connection between cultural anthropology and stock trading, Tengo said.

In general, there is no connection but there is for him.

This often happened when he was talking with Fuka-Eri. He would momentarily lose track of what he was going to say. It was like sheet music being scattered by a gust of wind.

A tiger may not come out, but there was no telling what might come out instead.

He was no Hitchcockian protagonist, embroiled in a conspiracy before he knew what was happening.

The phone rang in a special way. Just as writing had a particular style, Komatsu’s calls had a particular ring.

I’m strictly a shadow figure. I don’t do well in the sunlight.

In McLuhanesque terms, the medium is the message.

‘Oh well, there’s nothing to be done about the dog’, Tamaru said. ‘She’s dead and won’t be coming back…What worries me though is what happened. It wasn’t something that any ordinary person could do – setting off a bomb inside a dog like that. For one thing, the dog barked like crazy whenever a stranger approached.

Book II

So far, the only accomplishment of which he could be proud was his role as the ghostwriter who turned Air Chrysalis into a bestseller, but that was something he could never mention to anyone.

Tengo sometimes felt that Komatsu had a certain desire for self-destruction. Maybe deep down he was hoping to see the whole plan exposed, a big juicy scandal blow up, and all connected parties blasted into the sky.

There were no phone calls, no letters…no carrier pigeons.

Hey do you smell something human? One of the cats says. ‘Now that you mention it, I thought there was a funny smell the past few days’, another chimes in, twitching his nose. ‘Me too’, says yet another cat. ‘That’s weird, there shouldn’t be any human here, someone adds. ‘No of course not. There’s no way a human could get into this town of cats.’ ‘Still, that smell of theirs is definitely here.’

The young man hears their soft paws padding their way up the stairs.

Sitting so still at the window, his father reminded Tengo of one of van Gogh’s last self-portraits.

It was, without a doubt, Tengo’s father – or rather, the wreckage of Tengo’s father.

While everything was quite vivid, he noticed touches of unreality around the edges. He had boarded a train, visited the ‘Town of Cats’ and come back. Fortunately, unlike the hero of the story, he managed to board the train for the return trip. And his experiences in that town had changed Tengo profoundly.

Someone once said that nothing costs more and yields less benefit than revenge. -Winston Churchill

Did you go to a town of cats, Fuka-Eri asked Tengo.

His chin stuck out like those of the stone faces on Easter Island.

Book III

Like one of those stone guardian dogs at the entrance of a Shinto shrine, he stood stock-still.

Ushikawa put the lighter down and tented his fingers on top of the desk.

How about Proust’s In Search of Lost Time? Tamaru asked

The average woman has about 400 eggs. Each month, she releases one of them.

The more I think about it the less I seem to understand, like my brain is a tub of tofu past its expiration date.

She just showed up when she wanted to, and left when she felt like it – like a capricious, independent minded cat.

Knowledge and ability are tools, not things to show off.

In his desk drawer, he had a family photo of the four of them. Even the dog seemed to be grinning.

Blood had a frighteningly long memory. And the sign of that large head would, sometime, somewhere in the future, reappear, in an unexpected time and place.

Like Gregor Stamza when he turned into a beetle, he deftly stretched his rotund, misshapen body on the floor…

If she had seen him a little longer, she would have noticed that his large head wasn’t that of a child. It would have dawned on her that that dwarfish, huge headed person was none other than the man that Tamari had described.

To him, this was no longer a fictional world, where red blood bursts out when u slice your skin with a knife. And in the sky in this world, there were two moons, side by side.

Maybe he had always liked to sit on top of slides when he needed to think. Maybe the top of a slide in a park by night was the perfect place to think about the plot of the novel he was writing, or mathematical formulas. Maybe the darker it was, the colder the wind, the colder the wind blew, the shabbier the park, the better he could think. What or how novelists (or mathematicians) thought was way beyond anything Ushikawa could imagine.

To rephrase Tolstoy’s famous line, all happiness is alike, but each pain is painful in its own right.

‘Cold or not, God is present.’

It was the kind of expression Munch might have painted.

Tengo could hardly believe it – that in this frantic, labyrinth-like world – two people’s hearts – a boy’s and a girl’s – could be connected, unchanged, even though they haven’t seen each other in twenty years.

Rating: 4.8/5

Note: This was origna

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Toru the cat

If your pet could talk, what would be the first thing it says?

If my fictional feline, Toru, could talk…he would pat me in the back. With his untrimmed paw, he’ll say Pasensya ka na, nakakataram na ako. (My bad, I can talk now).

Limbo

My favourite feline story is Murakami’s Town of Cats. In his book 1Q84, Tengo (the protagonist) reads a tale about the furry critters. In this dreamland, the man chances upon a barrio run by felines. After sunset, the guy is shocked. Big cats take over the town, stand upright, and act human. Hiding in a belfry, the cats walk past him. He’s invisible. The departing train passes by him as if he was hidden. He realises that this is a place where he’s lost for good.

I spoofed this in my poetry collection. Renamed ‘The Town of Cuts’, I retained the limbo theme. Instead of cats, I utilised meat cuts. The guy is elated to find a haven of steaks. No matter how many fillets he eats, he’s never satiated. It’s a slice of Interstellar. In the end, he accepts his fate.

In pop culture

Other famous cats include Scratchy from The Simpsons, the Cheshire Cat, and the Cat in the Hat. The former is in the comical short with Itchy. It’s a show within a show, Bart and Lisa’s favourite cartoon. He hatches plans to kill his mortal enemy, preparing spices like Tom in Tom and Jerry. However, the cunning Itchy always fools him. The blood and gore is perfect for laughs.

Meanwhile, the Cheshire is Alice and Wonderland‘s cheeky feline. More philosophical, he specialises in riddles. That wry grin is both annoying and cute. Don’t let his porous shape and hulking frame fool you. He’s a massive part of Lewis Carroll’s made-up universe.

Finally, Dr Seuss developed the Cat in the Hat. Gen Y audiences would know that Mike Myers played him. Pesky like Scratchy, he wants to help but ends up causing mayhem. He redeems himself by helping the kids clean up their house. His barf bag makes perfect sense to me. Last month, my nausea was really bad. Thankfully, I found the cure. By myself. No need to see the family doctor.

Spielberg

Ages ago, I saw E.T. With a young Drew Barrymore, the alien’s first line is ‘E.T. phone home.’

My friend asked me about my favourite Steven Spielberg film. I answered E.T. Meanwhile, his was more serious: Schindler’s List. It won Spielberg the best director Oscar. This basketball presenter said, ‘E.C. phones home.’

He referred to Eddy Curry, who had a layup down low. The same mate was house sitter for a couple of friends. He had to feed their cat.

Kokey

Meanwhile, in the Philippines, they had this E.T. parody, Kokey. They made a comedy film about it. The alien was a clear E.T. ripoff. Like the latter, the townsfolk were against the creature. It’s similar to District 9, where they become second-class citizens. They feared an extraterrestrial invasion. Kokey, green and all, was maligned. Only the protagonist got him. He and his sister hid the alien before he was beaten like a piñata. The movie was funny and the characters were relatable.

However, it inspired a TV series. While the movie was passable, the series was laughable. I never watched the series but heard stories from my sister. Apparently, the Kokey version was so bad that it was good. They crimped on the costume and the contrast to Spielberg’s creation was glaring. I knew a kid who absolutely adored the show. She wanted to see the absurd alien when they visited the local mall.

In addition, the character had this weird phrase: ‘Noka noka noka.’

Kitty

Ages ago, my sister’s friend kept pestering her. She’d call her while she was studying.

‘Could I speak with Jacklyn please.’

She said this with a strong Indonesian accent. When I picked up the landline, my sis was miming to say that she was unavailable. The friend would then keep conversing with her, even when my sister was clearly cutting the convo. She wouldn’t take no for an answer.

Her pet feline was named Kitty. He was her world. Apparently, Kitty didn’t eat cat food. Years later, the friend was teary eyed, admitting that Kitty had passed away.

Always irritable, her temperament transferred to my sister. Not exactly a sparkling influence.

TLC

Whether cats, dogs, primates, or iguanas, pets give us life. They are our extensions, the reason we brave the world and go home. They give us company and cure our worries. They entertain and complete us. Their feathers may differ and their comportment may vary. In the end, we speak the same language.

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The boy who sewed

Share a hobby you’ve picked up recently — what got you into it?

Lately, with DIY sewing, I’ve repaired three jumper sleeves’ length. Aside from this, half-chest, shoulder width, and body length matter. Minus a sewing machine, you save $25+ at home. Sleeves too long? Tailors cut and sew. Like copy-paste but dearer. Remove the cuff, trim the sleeve, before reattaching. ’60 dollars, please.’

The unlikely tailor

When I was younger than today, I hated sewing. Taxing, I never had the patience. In Sydney, tailors shortened my jeans and pants. 25 bucks as per above, so the price was rising. The cost adds up.

I own many branded and unbranded jumpers. I have five winter sweaters. My other tops are 3 rugby shirts, three LS henleys, three LS tees, many crew necks, a turtleneck, an LS polo but no v-necks. I use light and dark sweaters for summer, spring, and fall. I’ve got too much blue-coloured tops in my wardrobe. Green is well-represented. Two blacks and two reds. One biege. Quite a few stripes.

Tackling it ourselves was practical. I’ve repaired two striped henleys, as per the photos. They’re both Country Road branded, without ribbed cuffs. The longstanding blue striped one is pure cotton. The green, a cotton/linen blend, is prone to wrinkles. The latter, in a regular fit, works as a summer pullover on a tee. The third item is the cotton-cashmere jumper.

The Exercise

I cut the excess fabric with a heavy-duty scissors. Get the right estimate. Too long makes the job pointless. Too short and it’s Muggsy Bogues territory.

You have options here. For me, catch stitches worked. Not invisible like back stitches, but sturdy. It withstands the agitation of machine washing. I sewed the hem with black thread for the blue henley. White thread for the green linen. No veteran, it took some time. In the end, I finished it. The sleeves were the right length. Near the base of my thumb but on my wrist bone with arms stretched before me. Like hemming pants, you leave a seam allowance.

Not flawless, just as Harry Potter engraving Dobby’s tomb. Hermione wold’ve done a better job. The stitches, visible, aren’t straight. Sufficient for a rookie. Sewing machines matter: pros always offer cleaner results.

Cotton-cash

After this, I moved on to my third project. Two years ago, I bought this medium 85/15 cotton-cashmere jumper online. The H&M knitwear is in a light mole colour. Slim fit and plain, it makes me thinner. The cuffs weren’t tough. I worked on it a few times, getting it right on my third try. The sleeves, slightly long, but workable. I sewed the cuffs inward. As per the photo, I used white thread.

Assess your handiwork when dining. Do you still have to push up those sleeves? When you’re out and about: do they feel awkward? Those tailors will raise the cost for a premium brand like Gant, Lacoste, or Polo Ralph Lauren. The garment fit, more than the brand name, is of consequence.

Learning through osmosis

I’m an autodidact ‘tailor’. I learned the ways of the sleeves through YouTube. You don’t need a college certificate to shorten sleeves. Just a thirst for knowledge, two hands, a pairs of eyes, utter determination, some inconspicuous polyester thread, a needle, and half a brain. As an old song once held, ‘There’s a time to rend and a time to sew.’

This ain’t quantum physics or space exploration. You’re not designing a website from scratch. Or discovering a new fruit near Mount Kilimanjaro. Not an archeologist rescuing a skeleton from Wagga Wagga. Or producing ‘Stranger Things.’

Life is new things and experience, growth and exploration. Fresh hobbies broadens our horizons. Once you’ve wrapped up your creation, there’s a sense of fulfilment. Just like cooking a meal or driving a car. Small things make a big difference. You may not be the first in your family to sew. You may be behind the curve amongst many. Constantly comparing yourself to others won’t give you satisfying returns. Work with what you’ve got, hone skills, and maximise time. Learning is for the daring.

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The Namesake (2006): an excursion

Which fictional world would be the most fun to vacation in?

With fictional worlds, obvious choices are Game of Thrones, Squid Game, and Stranger Things. I’ve reviewed all three. No need to rehash. Ages ago, I saw The Namesake on DVD. Based on Jhumpa Lahiri’s novel, the film chronicles Gogol Ganguli, a second generation Indian-American. Cal Penn stars, a noted departure from his stoner turn in Harold and Kumar. I’ve never read the book but the film was very poignant. I mentioned in my memoir that our desi professor, Goldie, said that it always made her cry.

‘What’s in a name?’

Why did I pick this world? Well, twenty years post-release it resonates with me. Like Gogol, I’m a second gen Aussie. We studied uni in the west. Gogol was mercilessly teased for his name. Early on, he hated it. The late Irrfan Khan is his dad, Ashoke. Later, Gogol asked his baba why he was given that name. Ashoke told him that he got the appellation from a Russian writer, Nicolai Gogol.

While reading one of his stories, his train derailed and crashed in India. Trapped and severely injured in the wreck, Ashoke ripped a book page and held it up. He was noticed by a rescue worker. For Ashoke, the name epitomised survival, redemption, and hope.

When he was born, Gogol was but a temporary name. They decided to keep it, honouring the author who bailed him out.

The son asked him if the name reminded him of the accident.

‘No not at all. But every good thing that’s happened since.’

Second-gen

Gogol has a younger sister, Sonia. The family visited the Taj Mahal when they were teeners. The siblings weren’t too enthused to rock up in India. Their parents forced them to give it a try. A fam photo at the Taj captured their outing.

Gogol initially dated a white damsel. This clashed with his parents’ wishes, who hoped he’d settle down with a desi. Eventually, he ditches the latter and agrees to a quick marriage. At this point, Ashoke had already perished from a heart attack while living shortly in Ohio.

His wife used to ‘detest American TV’. Awkward, she had glasses. Years later, she transforms into this attractive and confident lass who speaks French. She couldn’t remember her past comment.

Ganguli learns that she cheated on him. His baba departed, he weeps at the barbershop. He recalls their good moments and that he did not value his father’s input that much. They divorce after a year of marriage.

Cultural studies

Namesake isn’t just about nostalgia and affection, but navigating life between two cultures. You’re torn between your heritage and the status quo. Lahiri’s fiction often delves into these themes. The Bengali adjusting to life in two worlds. Her debut collection, The Interpreter of Maladies, won the Pulitzer Prize. I’ve read her other collection, Unaccustomed Earth. The story compilation had the rare distinction of debuting atop the Times Best Sellers.

My fiction dissects similar themes: the immigrant experience in Oriental Skies. My own story and IELTS experience in Topher Wins. Poems set in both the Philippines and Australia in Musings.

In the film, I want to be Gogol. In some ways, I’m him. He’s an architect, not a writer like me. We both finished uni, though he graduated from Columbia University. My name isn’t unique like his. No incredible story like Gogol. My parents prayed for a son, and their wish was granted.

Better Than

It’s rare to find a movie that beats the book. The novel hovers at around 80 percent on Goodreads. The production has an 85 percent Tomatometer. Both are commercially successful. In case you’re wondering, Namesake received no nominations for Academy Awards and Golden Globes.

The film is a drama. It isn’t funny like Harold and Kumar or American Pie. Nor is it another universe entirely like Avatar. It’s not recent like Marvel films. It’s more lifelike, gritty, raw, and pulls no punches. We witness the real India. The American classroom. Real relationships unfold. Bickering between siblings. The pain of growing up. Heartache and regrets.

Like imperfect puppets, relations aren’t meant to be immaculate. Rather than chasing the ideal, life on earth leaves margins for error.

The vacay doesn’t have to be the latest, glitziest, or more exciting. Unless a rock star, astronaut, or actor, life isn’t fireworks all the time. There are all kinds of writers; no two are the same. We may be flawed, but our shortcomings is what makes us human.

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Videoke nation

What’s a cultural tradition from your country that you love?

Previously, I mentioned pasalubong, fiestas, and churchgoing as Filipino traits that I admire. This time I’ll focus on another: videoke. In Mandarin, the latter is spelled as卡拉OK (pronounced Ka’la-okay). While not peculiar to Pinoys, it has been adopted as a gathering staple and a springboard for entertainment. In the Philippines, wooing a local chick means singing lots of 卡拉OK with her family. They have strong family ties. To win her over, you first have to court the family.

Off-key

I remember our ex-neighbour. Singing Pinoy songs, he was quite sintonado (off-key). One time, na-piok pa siya (he choked). No offence but his singing was so bad. I half-expected the nearby buildings to crumble. I heard him watching Pinoy DVDs, el cheapo disks from the Filo shop.

It’s like Buwan ng Wika (Language Month)…on steroids. The latter champions our heritage. Performing tableaus and original poetry. Crafting artwork. Remembering the People Power revolution. Buying regional products for history class. Wearing filipiniana attire. These typify the Pinoy condition. Videoke takes it a step further, being more intimate and vulnerable. It asserts individuality, affinity, and humour.

In Sydney

I don’t seek out karaoke, which isn’t as popular in Sydney. It’s pretty straightforward: you pick a familiar song. The lyrics come up on the screen. You sing along. At the end of the song, you get a score out of 100. You feel like a gymnast aiming for a perfect ten. Or an Australian Idol contestant waiting for a touchdown.

There’s a big song catalogue, from recent releases to older tunes. Knowing the song helps. Like a quiz where you’re prepared. With singing, Pinoys relish the challenge. Especially in front of friends and family, the fighting spirit gets amplified.

Karaoke: a history

In case you’re wondering, a Filo didn’t devise karaoke. In 1971, a Japanese quick thinker invented the first coin-operated model. However, a Pinoy patented the addition of the sing-along. Since then, it has become a deeply engrained Filo tradition.

Karaoke is paired with food and drink. The timing may differ: before, during, or after a meal. However, the camaraderie and warmth remains.

Consider the aficionados. Young and old. Pretty and plain. Students and burdens. Writers and biters. Sports fans and kitchen hands. Readers and breeders. Betters and sinners. Cooks and crooks. Techies and teddies. Pilots and zealots. Players and flayers. Dog walkers and pig breeders. Teachers and creatures.

Uniquity

While there are soundproof rooms, karaoke isn’t contained to bars, restos, and malls. They’re synonymous with Filipinos, at home and abroad. Adding to the Pinoy flavour are Filo songs or OPM (Original Pilipino Music). Belting out in English is one thing, but showcasing OPM songs is another. It affirms your love for country.

A word of caution: do not sing ‘My Way’ in the Philippines. There has been media attention of killings. The Sinatra song carries a certain arrogance and entitlement, which can be problematic if you’re with drinkers.

In Oz, this primetime programme featured the so-called karaoke king. He sang ‘Play Me’ by Neil Diamond. While he can sing, he was an unideal neighbour.

Sing-along

I tried karaoke with my cuz ages ago. She was doing her HSC. We sang through the night in their lounge room. I did a good job with Coldplay’s ‘Yellow’, norming 98 of 100. It was a soft song that was easy to emulate. The tune, sung in Madarin, was featured in Crazy Rich Asians.

I also sang ‘High’ by Lighthouse Family. Cuz was far better with her singing, as she had more practice. Her voice on the phone is pleasing. She’s a Leo with a strong personality.

Karaoke isn’t about a good time. You warm up to your friends, family, and even your partner’s family. Music gives us an avenue to express our feelings and connect with others. It shows our range and picks. Mastering many songs is impressive; getting high scores even more so.

New ambitions

This Airbnb ad highlighted a chick singing karaoke with new friends. 卡拉OK creates memories and competition. You want to land perfect scores while savouring company. You don’t need to sound like Bruno Mars. Give it your best shot, sing in tune with the lyrics, and have fun.

Karaoke reminds me of the jukebox. Both have survived decades of wizard technology and progress. CDs, DVDs, and the payphone might be disappearing acts. Videoke is no anachronism. Into the 21st century, karaoke has remained relevant whether in the Philippines or Oz. Based on what I’ve seen, it is here to stay.

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Eater’s Pet

Which is the best restaurant in your city?

Ben was a pogi (handsome) neighbour, according to mum

Four-eyed, tall, with healthy dark brown hair, resembled Harry Potter wham

His network, Ben’s WiFi, wasn’t generic like Vodafone pocket wifi

Others were more creative, see also: Haus of Otto, The Jedi Temple, or I Believe Wi can Fi

Sometimes, Ben took the same train home at Redfern

He was white and taciturn

His housemate strummed the guitar a wannabe heavyweight they split the rent

One Saturday, Ben pretended to ascend he did not relent

Two goes later, he headed up

Held a container yup

I related this to Dad overseas

‘May ataman yan’: he has a pet worm jeez

He often brings home takeaway

Exactly, Dad said, pogi’s pets can’t resist the gastronomy

Mum ate at this local Thai

Got tom yum friend rice very spicy needed iced chai

While waiting, Ben appeared and considered the Siamese faves

Mum recognised him he beamed didn’t order but waved

The owner was decent

Seeing mum’s plate undiminished she refunded her dinner wasn’t complacent

Ben left when I lived with auntie

Probably letting a new room though not in Bronte

Still buying takeaway? Has a family?

I can but wonder, one thing’s for sure: he’s gotta address that insatiable tummy.

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‘The Spanish acquisition’

What’s a thing you wish schools actually taught?

I had hoped to study Spanish in school. Decades ago, Spanish was a mandatory college class, since abolished. The country was under Spanish rule for 333 years. Many Filipino words are loaned from the motherland. The school system should’ve embraced our past.

Espanol 101

Spanish 101 must be mandatory for high school students. It will add a bit of spice to the teener’s life. Spanish is easy to learn given our background. Some olden Pinoy writers penned their books in Spanish. Jose Rizal and Claro M. Recto, to name a couple. English is my second language just as Spanish was Rizal’s. He wrote two novels in Castillan. I’ve published three books in three literary forms in English. Plus about 500 blog posts. He did pen hundreds of letters.

By the way

My latest book, a poetry collection, has some Spanish. Among the titles are ‘Mi Primer Adios’ (My first farewell). ‘The Metaphysician por favor’ (The Metaphysician please). ‘Macho Pobre’ (Poor Macho). Adios begins with ‘para los todos exiliados en ‘Dapitan’ (for all those exiled in ‘Dapitan’). ‘Todos Los Santos’ (All Saints’ Day).

Aside from Spanish, the collection also features Filo subheadings. ‘Makamasa’ (for the masses). ‘Siraniko’ (Broken Mechanic). ‘Ang Huling El Gringo’ (The Last El Gringo)

Lingua Franca

Spanish was the nineteenth century’s dominant tongue. Used in all of South America bar Brazil. In Cuba, Puerto Rico, and Central America from Mexico to Costa Rica. By the early 1800s these territories became independent. Cuba and the Philippines were the outliers. Speaking of Cuba, Rizal was all set to depart for the island until the Spanish rulers nixed the plan. He was exiled to Dapitan for three years.

Aside from the language, Pinoys have adopted other traditions like fiestas and siestas. The former celebrates feast days of Saints. Lechon (roast pork), stir fried noodles, spring rolls, fried chicken, fruit salads, pork chops, and other items are prepared for everyone to enjoy. Meanwhile, Filipinos have embraced siestas or afternoon naps. This is quite common, just like in the motherland.

Legacy

Two centuries later, the Spanish legacy lives on. The Incas speak it. So does Matt Damon, who married a Mexican. He showed off his Spanish in Bourne Ultimatum while evading baddies in Madrid. He also had Spanish lines in Elysium. Actress Ana de Armas is Hollywood’s in girl. Starring in the latest Bond film, she was born in Cuba. Singer Shakira is Colombian. Spanish is her first language. Another acclaimed singer, Gloria Estefan, is from Cuba. Floridians speak it, as do many Californians.

Speaking of music, the Cuban folk song, ‘Guantanamera’, is widely covered across the world. I first heard it in a Sydney RSL club. ‘Corazon Espinado’ likewise struck a chord with me.

In the literary world, Ernest Hemingway lived in Spain during the civil war. He made Cuba his home. His novel, For Whom the Bells Toll, was set in Spain. Colombian Gael Garcia Marquez was a Nobel Laureate. He was a standout at magical realism.

Filmmakers

Spanish language directors have had a renaissance. Alfonso Cuaron produced Gravity. I saw that many moons ago with a friend at the cinema. Sandra Bullock and George Clooney gave memorable performances. He also helmed Netflix’s Roma. This semi-autobiographical project was favoured to win Best Picture. It was the people’s pick. Guillermo del Toro won Oscars for The Shape of Water. Ajelandro Inarritu directed the gritty adaptation of The Revenant. He won Best Picture for Birdman. Among these films, only Roma has Spanish dialogue. They are all Mexicans.

I watched Pedro Almodovar in the past. Penelope Cruz was a recurring collaborator, as was Javier Bardem. My favourite was Hable con Ella (Talk to her). I also viewed Carne Tremula.

Accented

While commuting for uni, this Spanish-speaking chick told her friend in English that people have different Spanish accents. In her opinion, the Madrid intonation was best.

Filipinos have different accents. Visayans have a strong inflection that’s difficult to offload even with years in Manila. For instance, this ex-basketball high flier studied uni in Manila and has lived there for two decades. Regardless, he still retains traces of his Visayan patois though his Tagalog is very fluent.

Sporting world

In sports, Rafa Nadal is from Spain. He holds the record of 14 grand slam wins at Roland Garros, the most in any single slam. He honed his skills in the Mallorcan clay courts. Probably the toughest tennis player. He battled through persistent injuries and the grind. One of the best returners ever, alongside Andre Agassi and Novak Djokovic. He never gave away cheap points.

Madrid and Barcelona host ATP tour events. They’re part of the year’s clay court season. They also have two marquee La Liga clubs: Real Madrid and FC Barcelona. Madrid has featured icons as David Beckham and Ronaldo. Meanwhile, Barcelona employed Maradona, Messi, Neimar, and Ronadinho.

More recently, Carlos Alcaraz has flied the Spanish flag on the tennis tour. He’s the youngest player to complete the career grand slam. Consistently world number one, he has beaten the best, including Djokovic. Like Nadal, a great competitor. Auto racer Fernando Alonso was F1 champion. He also hails from Spain. In the NBA, Pau Gasol is regarded as the finest Spanish export. He won two chips with the LA Lakers. Ricky Rubio was a top point guard before injuries derailed his promising career.

The islands need a Spanish revival. We should reimagine our identity and flaunt our rich and vibrant history. Why not begin at grassroots level?

Carlos Alcaraz
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Mad Skillz

What’s a skill you consider basic, that most people don’t actually know how to do?

I can name a few, but we’ll focus on taking care of woollens. Firstly, you can’t just chuck wool garments in the washing machine. Being tricky fabrics, they won’t survive a gentle wash and the dryer. Whether lambswool, merino, wool-blend, or cashmere, hand washing is the way to go.

The method

A cursory online search would reveal the proper technique. I’ll save you the trouble. Fill a basin with lukewarm water. Add wool detergent or baby shampoo. Turn the jumper inside out and soak it for 10-15 minutes.

Remove the item and rinse it in the sink. Ball up the piece and press the woollen; don’t wring it. The sweat should be damp but not soaking wet. Reshape, gently tugging at the sides and hem. Ensure it doesn’t shrink. Wool is fickle. Washed improperly, it tends to warp. I’ve ruined a few sweaters in the past. If between sizes, sizing up is best. That way, you’ll still have a decent sweater even if it shrinks.

Roll it in a towel to remove excess water. This is called the burrito method. Repeat the process on the towel’s dry side. Upon finishing, hang the piece on a clothes airer. Never place it in the dryer, even on low heat. This would damage the fibres. Give it a few days and it’s ready for your next jaunt. You also can’t use fabric softeners.

Buyer’s remorse

Last year, I exchanged a black Levi’s sweater at David Jones from medium to small. I recall the care instruction saying ‘do not wash’. It was a wool/polyamide blend. I didn’t make an allowance for shrinkage. I should’ve stuck with the medium even if it were somewhat roomier. Disregarding the ominous label, I washed the jumper and it downsized.

Try this at home

If you haven’t got the time, leave it to the dry cleaners. This was my go-to. However, with initiative and resourcefulness, you’ll save dollars by doing your wool laundry at home.

Washing is half the story. Many fashionistas hang woollens on their robes. Wool sweaters must never be stored on hangers. This causes them to stretch and lose shape. Folding is the proper method.

The collection

I have four wool sweaters. One red lambswool Tommy. Size medium and with long sleeves, I use it as a pullover. It has subtle Tommy branding and is made with Italian yarn.The chunkiest of my winter sweaters, I always layer it over a deep green YD mock neck.

One dark green wool/poly Ben Sherman from The Iconic. Offering the least wool content of my winter tops, though 49% polyester makes it dry quicker. A Reserve blue merino polo from Myer. More of a smart casual option with the collar. A Uniqlo striped charcoal merino crew neck. Aside from these, I have a pure cashmere sweat and an 85/15 cotton-cashmere jumper from H&M.

I used five of those sweats this year. The pure cash was the outlier. These delicates don’t need regular washing unlike cotton and synthetics. Wool is odour-resistant. Rainy conditions are their weakness, absorbing water more than polyester and nylon. Not water-resistant, a rain jacket is better in adverse conditions.

Thermal Boy

Merino is great at temperature regulation. It adapts to the conditions. When it’s warm, you’ll feel cool. When it’s chilly, merino will warm you up. Merino fibres are shorter than lambswool. Most of it comes from Oz and NZ. In contrast, lambswool hair is coarser.

Merino has different grades. Fine and extra fine are top of the class. Unlike lambswool sweats, merino jumpers are noticeably thinner and lightweight. Lambswool is better as a mid or top layer. Merino v-necks are perfect layered over a shirt. They’re like a featherweight boxer who punches above his weight. In wool parlance, heft and grams are not a definitive determinant of heat.

While I only have two merino casual sweaters, I’ve got heaps of merino thermals. I bought them in pairs. Two black thermal tops and matching long johns from DJ. Two more black sets from Aldi. A grey LS top from Baselayers. I have 2 wool blend tops from the latter and a blue cotton poly set from Kmart. I’m battle ready for the cold months. You can machine wash the thermals but be prepared for some shrinkage.

Sensitive

Aside from merino, cashmere is a wondrous insulator. A premium fabric, it’s famously pricier than wool garments. It provides much more warmth while being much lighter than lambswool. Keeps you cool in humid weather, too. My pure cashmere is in dark brown. I noticed that my jumper’s shoulder width is rather short. Hence, it won’t work as a pullover.

It must be layered under zip hoods. Regardless, cashmere drapes well and gives you a fuller appearance. Being breathable, cashmere – like merino – is an all-rounder. You can use it in blustery winter weather. Likewise in summer Blue Mountain treks.

A very sensitive fabric, tread carefully. Due to its price point, most people would regard cashmere as an investment. It feels luxurious and very soft ‘like Charmin’. Years ago, Uniqlo would clear their stock for $79. Good luck finding your size.

This blog may not be a fashion site. However, I’ll gladly share my knowledge. Muchas gracias for taking part in Wool Care 101.

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Reming

What’s the funniest misunderstanding you’ve ever been part of?

The following is from my first book. It’s based on a true story.

Once she bought a 10kg bag of white rice from Woolies. Having seen a cheaper match at the Coles catalogue a few days later, she would return said item. Her friend had also given her movie passes, so we decided to watch Fracture as well. I snacked at her place before we saw the movie, but I was seriously famished after the session.

‘Do you want to have dinner?’

‘Yes, I’m starving,’ I told her.

‘We’ll be having supper soon anyway. I’ll just refund the rice and we’ll go home.’

As we left the carpark, she realised that she was over the four-hour free parking limit. She must pay the excess usage fee to the attendant at the gate. While driving the car towards our suburb, she couldn’t let it go.

‘Anak ng pating (crap),’ she said. ‘The savings from the rice just went to the parking fees. Oh gosh.’

I turned towards the window, unable to stifle my giggling. Here was a woman who would enter and exit the carpark, intent on avoiding charges.

Once at home, she commanded me, ‘Eat slowly’.

If it weren’t for your penny-pinching, then I wouldn’t be eating like this, would I?

Adding to the comedy: she talked with a baker for fifteen minutes. Those on the queue gave up, saying ‘She’ll take all day.’

Had she not wasted those minutes, she wouldn’t get slugged with the parking fee. She liked to ask me, ‘Whatcha gonna do?’

She also told me to remove my DVD as it was acting up.

‘That is-tee-you-peed (read: stupid) asshole!’

‘Get that off my player before it ruins it.’

I decided against joining her at the supermarket another time, opting to stay in her cute car. That was when she got into an argument with the checkout chick. She was next in line when the lass ignored her and entertained someone else.

‘HEY, I’m next!’ said pint-sized aunt Jess. ‘I came before the couple you’re serving now.’

Avoiding a scene, the pair stood aside and allowed her items to be scanned first.

‘You’re a racist,’ she told the chick. When she came back to her Beatle-like wheels, passengers from other cars gawked at her. I only shook my head as she retold the vignette. The other white customers must be thinking, ‘This Thai-looking senior is small but terrible.’

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The task: Topher Wins

Which book have you read more than any other?

I’ve read my 300 page memoir/self-help, cover to cover, a dozen times. I saw it evolve from 151 pages to 224 and finally 300 pages. I did most of the proofing, with a little help from Laura, my editor. I picked up proof copies from the print shop, fine-tuning. I felt confident upon the book’s release. Creating and finishing the project was epic. My most substantial book, Topher Wins is also my only nonfiction work.

A dozen

Divided into twelve chapters, Topher covers my early childhood in Oz, my years growing up overseas, and later studies in Sydney. I unpack my IELTS results and dissect each Test component. My memoir has humour, nostalgia, and references. You will encounter Bret Ellis, Veronica Roth, Kurt Vonnegut, and Jose Rizal. I compare the length of Topher with other notable books.

Each chapter begins with a quote. There are laughter and jeers. Basketball and books. Movies and lectures. Tutorials and mentors. The release likewise includes three appendices. Two of my finest poems, first published on this website. A post about this anime show, which my whole high school followed. Desiderata by Max Ehrmann. For a change, the acknowledgements was at the front.

Laura described my Author’s Note as ‘word-perfect. Topher Wins is an invaluable resource for students and IELTS examinees, a ray of hope for those doing it tough.’

Above the norm

Publishing multiple books, let alone a 300-page manuscript, is no mean feat. Many people dream of writing books, but few finish them. So far, I’ve released a 64-page story collection, 300-page memoir, 112-page poetry collection, and 482 blog posts. That’s a prolific resume spanning a decade.

For Musings, my poetry collection, I made five drafts. Each one was revamped with mostly new poems. Being much shorter than Topher, it was easier to edit and proof. Both of them have plus covers. My memoir has the Harbour Bridge and the Opera House. Musings has three animals with autumn leaves and the sun.

Rare Air

My high school class has produced many physicians, lawyers, educators, accountants, registered nurses, and other professionals. No one else has published three books and counting, let alone one.

A family doctor has told us that he couldn’t score 7.0 in the IELTS. A manager from a government agency also told my mum that she can’t attain an 8.5 overall band score.

Most peeps balk at proofing. You must spot inconsistency, awkward phrasing, word choice, spacing, proper font, punctuation, spelling, fact checking, readability, and usability. Each sentence is important, every vignette matters. Clarity is crucial. You don’t want readers guessing. I likewise utilise my unique voice, which isn’t as accessible as Mitch Albom.

As my maths teacher wrote, ‘There are no shortcuts to success.’

‘Trust the process’

It took me four years to actualise this project. Four years, on and off, of writing, reminiscing, editing, and proofing. I got the ISBN, printing many copies. Altogether, I wrote 77,000 words. A trade paperback, it has coloured matte covers and the interior pages are printed on thick 90gsm paper. I sent copies to my dad overseas and others as well. They have my life story and memories of our high school journey together.

‘Yes: I am a dreamer. For a dreamer is one who can only find his way by moonlight and his punishment is he sees the dawn before the rest of the world.’ – Walt Whittman

P.S.You could purchase my memoir/self-help ebook via this link. It’s discounted by almost sixty percent.

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